Newbies

Newbies....

Newbies are fun, newbies are great,
but if they're no good, then they're someone we hate.
What does he mean, why does he say it ?
Well listen up folks I'm going to play it.

Some of us travel for miles at a time,
to get there and ride for mile after mile.
We leave work, some early, we leave work, some late,
but the main thing we want is to ride something great.

So if we get newbies, that stink up the place,
we hates them! we hates them! they get in our face.
They arrive with their bikes, city ones, a hardtail.
We know they'll have trouble, we know that they'll fail.
Here they come now, in T Shirts and sneakers,
no clip-ins nor camel backs, oh jeepers, oh creepers.
They'll huff and they'll puff, up the hills.
They are trying, but we could already be going down flying.
We wait and we wait and sometimes we cry,
and curse them with stones. At the air we let fly.
And then when they get to the very tip top,
they want to pull over!! they want to just stop!!
For a breather! How dare they! We want to get on.
Come on you damn newbie, come on now my son.

Now the worst kind of newbies are ones that don't suck:
They happen upon us, just trust our dumb luck.
They get out their bikes that are rusted and worn,
they pull on their shorts, never lycra they've worn
they get on their bikes and they start off to pedal,
and leave us behind on our bikes of light metal.
We struggle there cursing and wheezing and trying,
to catch up to that newbie with legs made of iron.

Now there's newbies and newbies. Now where would we be,
if we didn't know hoekstra or dopey, we say.
Or zulu or goat or jo shaddock or 'zette,
if we didnt know them, well it would not be great.
We love them, we welcome them, with open arms.
We likes them you see, to them we have warmed.

Now newbies are welcome, we like them you see.
Its not that we hate them, though newbies they be.
Our anger and scorn, and our cursing out loud,
should be aimed at the ones who are part of OUR crowd.
You see, these "new" newbies that come for a ride,
have been brought along by the ones that can ride.
The ones that we love and the ones that we know,
have brought them along for a ride to them show.
They bring them along and they force us to note,
that some of them ride, and that some of the don't.

Now by all means we welcome new blood to our team,
but please do make sure that no oldies can scream
"take that newbie, take him back, take him back to his home,
and leave us in peace on our bikes here to roam"
And if you do happen to bring one along ,
who knows how to bike, well that wouldn’t be wrong,
but if you bring one that is more like lead weight,
be sure that you are the one who is going to wait
and ensure that the newbie, whose skills are quite poor,
gets home safe and sound and behind their closed door.
Lock them up quick, do it now, don’t be too kind.
Get irate, keep that newbie away and inside.
Put them in, throw the key, don't bring them to ride.
Bring them no more, to the places we ride.

But if you insist to be bring newbies that can't,
don’t be surprised if we shout, if we rave and we rant.
Dont be sad, dont you cry, you just sit there, don't sigh ,
cos its your fault, you brought him, you wait, whilst we fly.
You brung them. You invited. You asked and they came.
Well you can take care of them, we're not to blame.
We will go riding and leave you behind.
Because we came to ride, not to wait, you will find.

So now that I've ranted and raved and am done,
I feel that maybe you think I'm not fun.
That I don't welcome newbies, that I hates them, their kind.
That they stink, are unfit, and are not humankind.
Well you're wrong. I like newbies. I welcome their race.
But would you ask Schumi to slow down his race ?
Would you ask him to dither and wait and not go,
just because that new newbie was going so slow ?
Now I know we're not racing, but hey, wheres the fun,
on changing our plans because of just one
who doesn't know what he has let himself into,
who thinks that maybe he's got what it takes to.

So summing up now, (this is getting quite long),
dont take this too literally don't think I am wrong.
I am all for those newbies, to come and have fun,
just make sure if you bring them, that they can have some fun.
Ensure that their bikes come with two wheels apiece,
with some rubber still on them and their chains with some grease.
A helmet to cover their poor little heads,
for when they have troubles and go foot over head
by trying to follow the ones that know how,
to go down the hill very fast and not slow.

So bring those newbies along. Bring as many as you like.
But be sure that you look after them well on their bike.